So the Lord is TOTALLY in to showing up. This is insane! I mean there could not be a more intimate Dad on this earth or should I say, in the sky….. I mean you just can’t believe.
Let’s begin… start walking with me…. I love walks…. under the stars would be most enjoyed however today for relevanence sake we are walking out into the dawn and what a beauty she is…. all bright and booming with colors, smells and don’t forget GOODNESS!!!
So here we go…. walking…. one step at a time…. you know so you can really take in the goodness around you. Slow pace. Like one of an incredibly sweet elderly man…. that’s how my friend Zin walks in Swazi….. S…….LLLLLL…….OOOOOOOO…….WWWWWWW……..
I will begin with yesterday since that is when my world seem to not wake up with me. I happened to sleep in since I was up till the wee morning hours the night before… So when I woke, Krissy was buzzing around on the phone and I just realized, I ain’t in Swaziland no more…. like Kansas you know, NO MORE SWAZI. I wrapped myself in scarf and blanket and headed to the backyard. It was crisp and lovely.
I soaked it in…. breathing deep and trying to rationalize the onslaught of events that has came my way… parties, people, smiling….. JOY from everyone…. Nat still on Swazi time, in Swazi style and still Swazi dreaming…. and life brezzing on past me. I digress. So at that point I think it all came crashing down. I realized that I again have no plan and as of that moment in the morning He wasn’t speaking anything once again. Thoughts of what I needed to do or haven’t done and so on and so forth came flooding in my mind. I tried to maintain them but you know how fast these sort of things can happen.
Sitting on the concrete I resolved to push forward. I made it inside and read all the many notes from all my beloved Swazi people…. BAD IDEA….. tears came and my Krissy did as well. She reassured me of His love and goodness and provision. It is incredible what a bit of physical, tangible love can do for one’s soul. Bit by bit I was seeing the Light again. Help was on it’s way however… I called Jim and Barb… their words brought strength…. “the plan will come… you have done nothing wrong… He is working… you just keep seeking… we have been there”…. all these such things brought me back above the water.
It is the strangest place to be in the ” unknown”.
How does one get here for one? I mean one day you are like in the presence of the King and the next you feel as if He forgot where you live. It’s insane. Not living by feelings is obviously NOT a strong point for this one. But I am learning. Nonetheless, dinner with close friends, family per say and time in His loving arms is what remedied the day. So by the time I laid my body back in bed, it seemed to be a whole different person.
I had confidence in His plan.
Today was great. I went to the BRDC, the Baton Rouge Dream Center, and went to their service there. It was brilliant. He came and met me. Or as I love to say, He showed up and showed OFF! I mean in a real awesome way!
I mean I was just worshipping and wishing I was in Swazi… I kept thinking I was going to hear my favorite song, Nydie, I kept seeing Ben doing the FLOW and encouraging us to press in…. I was there but I wasn’t for real. It was killing me. I wanted to cry. I did actually. I just yearned to be there. But I am here. I have to be here. I hate not being content but I am giving myself slack, it’s only been 5 days since being here, it feels like forever though. So about being here…
Melvin did our flow time and immediately I knew I was in the right place. He spoke about a movie, Sandlot, and he referred to the fact that the kids in the movie did everything in their power to get their ball back however it wasn’t till the end of the movie that one of the kids said, “why don’t we just knock on the door?”…. I was smoked…. I knew I hadn’t KNOCKED… I had whined, complained, spun my wheels, divided my situation up into the various sceniros that could pan out and on and on but NO KNOCKING.
How do you know you haven’t knocked? Because if you do, He will most certainly ANSWER… it’s a biblical promise ladies and gentlemen. That means He WILL INDEED SHOW UP! So here I am spinning my wheels and such and the whole time He is like, “Nat, I got it…. I got it…. hey, can you hear me….. I GOT IT”…..
A speaker I LOVE says it this way, “Your security can not be in what you see, but it has to be in WHO HE IS“ _Graham Cooke_
So again, I am just looking at this whole situation and having to say, “I TRUST YOU” not I trust because I see but I trust because of who I know you are to me…. my Dad, my Father… the one who knows about every sparrow that falls to the ground… yeah, that is the one I am referring to. And this is just the begining… you won’t believe that it gets better…..
So Craig goes on to start preaching and all and sure enough he went there… YEAH… THERE…. He went there…. He is like turn with me to John 6, we are going to meet a couple of people… are you with me? Still walking…. nice and slow now….
So mind you the Lord totally confirmed me going to Swaziland in 2007 by a lady in Swaziland telling me to turn to John 6. I KNOW…. ARE YOU WITH ME????? So yeah, Philip that is the whole deal. My boy Philip. He seemed to be “tested” my Jesus. And the brilliant thing about it al is that He, the Lord, knew what He was going to do anyhow. So at this point I am laughing out loud, poor Tori and Krissy, I am sure they were quite confused but again, it was as if the Lord was sitting in front of me talking straight to me. Agh! How nice is He hey?
Yeah, unbelievibale… Craig kept saying things that watered my soul…. “you have to have eyes of Faith… He wants you to see with Eyes of Faith…. He wants us to pass the vision test… can we see Him? Is He the one that we are looking at? Is our gaze in His direction? Aghhhh…. who is feeling this…. I mean, I was smoked… laughing, in awe that He cares enough to tailor a whole message for me, little ol me. So moral of the story I am going to start being more confident in who He is to me and who I am in Him…. a woman with purpose, vision and gifts…. a woman with something to give, something to do for Him…. a woman that loves her Dad and is confident in who He is and what He can do… yep, that is Nat in a nutshell….