Shine:)

OH MY GOODNESS….. This pic took all of 3.5 seconds to upload… HOLLA! high speed at it’s finest! GLORYYYY!!!!

So this was the other night at my house for Kari (far right) Birthday party… quarter of a century baby! Gotta love it, huh? K, well this is the deal… Nat is doing great, computer in the very near future and yes, I will be all over the postings. 

So am feeling A PLUS PLUS about the job. It is sad, I talked to Jessie in Swazi today and it just hit me that I am not on vacation to the US, I am here now. Here in the America. What? It’s been so busy…. I haven’t realized I need to process the last year of my life. A little reflecting. So that is why I told the people I can’t start till the 16th, I will take next week to do some catching up. So ummmmmm, Glory for amazing friends, THE LORD, Maris who is down from North Carolina….

So here I am… half past ten and some Luke Wood from IHOP playing softly in the background. Nat’s happy. I had a heck of a time rolling this “job” thing around in my head for the past 5 days and well I have concluded. I decided that it is a highly desirable job for a girl such as myself and well, “I am getting planted” as Craig said on Sunday… putting my roots down in the house of HPC…

See I have been going to HPC for the last 5 years of my life. I started going when mom and dad were sick… stinkin cancer. Anyhow a lovely girl introduced me to the place and after my reluctancy of “getting connected” the Lord introduced me to my wonderful, amazing… life giving, Natalie supporting… Jesus freaking friends…..

_Selah_

I connected with Elevate, also know as HPSM, and then I started getting “more” connected. Life was getting brighter and Natalie was becoming the girl she lost contact with somewhere in the past years. I knew this church was a special place, one that was safe, growing and preparing many for their development in Christ. I was ready and learning and well, perfectly content with the slow progression that was taking place in my life. 

And so on and so forth and now this. Now 5 years later, 2 years of interning, a lot of new family members, a new church in Africa, a wealth of lessons and virtually a new Nat, I would say it’s been a great 5 years. So here I am stepping out into the next chapter…. turning the page so to say. I have made more than my share of prayer requests to my dear ones over the past several days and I appreciate them all to the fullest.

What the heck would we do without the body? I mean really… I need more of it in my life. 

So decision made, moving onward and forward, stepping out in faith… out of the comfort zone, into a new phase of life that I am sure is just preparation and development for the next and LOVING IT. How did I get this? I mean, I feel so blessed. It’s like I have done nothing but serve Him, chase Him, love Him, and bammm, He just handles the rest. What a nice Dad! I mean to constantly take care, to tend to. I wonder how I get to “doubting” in the first place. It is amazing how His peace comes. 

I went to the Crosses in the weeeee hours of the morning today. It was so nice and cozy in my car when I pulled up, heater on… blanket near by, comfy seat…. and then there was OUTSIDE. Duh nuh nuuuu….. He said, “your going to have to get uncomfortable Nat”… oh Lord, we just got here, so soon…. I knew in my Spirit that this was what the Lord was really asking me to do… “get out of my comfortable zone”…. it was quite clear in the devotional I brought with me that He was leading this show. I started reading the one for today it, God Calling that is, and I can still see the words in my mind now… “wherever your sympathy goes, there you should also go, if possible”… WHAT???? I just stared back at the words, looking them in the eye so to say. How could I NOT take this job… in the ghetto, poor people, people that need HIM, and talking with youths about why it’s a good idea NOT to have sex…. well let’s just wrap that up in a package and call it a gift from Him because that is plain what it is… 

Four songs later I got out the car, started my stroll around the gigantic pieces of steel. A song came on, by Luke Wood…. it’s 10 minutes long and has this passionate buildup and beautiful melody conclusion…. I laid there in the grass, looking up at those big symbols of what my life is for and just knew. I just knew there was no way passing this job up was Him, peace fell strongly... I knew I could do anything with Him and that He was going to be the one who led me through this transition and into the next phase of life. I was fully ready under those gigantic Crosses. 

And then I left, thoughts arose, Natalie started thinking logistics and that was it… I lost my peace. And now typing this at 11 at night I realize my intense need to maintain our constant conversation with Him…. “vital” I dare say… it’s Truth though, I know now sitting down with Him after a peaceful evening with my roomie and hot tea goodness that yes, He has called me, yes this is His desire for me and well, peace comes when you are with HIM. So lots of lessons learned over the past 5 days. Like everyone’s opinion is opinions and ultimately the Lord is the one who guides us…. don’t get me wrong people can add and probe and get to the heart of you so that you view a situation from all sorts of angles. And then you have “peace”, the beauty of peace. We JUST CAN NOT form it, develop it, make it, or buy it…. it’s His to give and ours to take and without time with Him, there is none to be had in our life.

HE IS THE LIFE>>>> HE IS THE PEACE! IT IS HIM WE NEED… Also, one can not “do” anything per say to “get” an answer…. like He is the answer… bringing me back to the last point… “He will be” and thus we will be! 

So ladies and gentlemen, I am signing off. On Krissy’s computer for one of the last times, yes…. yes…. new lap top in the near future. And let’s not forget how amazing our GREAT GOD is… yes, AMAZING… just when we forget all He has done for us, He does something else…. NEVER LEAVES US right? 

In case anyone was wondering… I am here. Right here, BR, Louisiana… sitting in my dining room on the lovely Friday after Thanksgiving. My phone is on silent. Yes, busting myself, don’t really worry I am okay with being transparent. I just had to switch that little button to silent. Sometimes you just need nothing. You know what I mean? Like no engagements, no meetings, no pouring out… no noise, no hassle, no crazy fast pace ness of life hollaring at you to come and be apart. Sometimes that is just what I need. Maybe I am a simple girl, I don’t know. Ultimately though my silencing was to be with Him. We had a great time together this morning, well we are still together and all but you know what I am talking about.

It has been 16 days since arriving back in the States and umm, I have to say among the long mornings I have been blessed with there has been a large dose of busyness. I am probably just more acutely aware of this because of coming from the Motherland where it’s beauty is factored in by it’s slower pace. Not to say that we are not “doing antyhing” per say but more like “doing” is not all we are doing.

I was very productive that side. Meeting with girls, working at the church, errands, spending time with friends, and such. However on this side it seems that it happens at such a more rapid pace that by the time I get home to absorb all that I have expierenced, been a part of and whatnot, well I am too tired, too looking forward to the next day filled with the same amount of busyness. Oh, I am baffled just thinking about it all.

I don’t know if I need to jump right in and forget all that I learned that side or if I am supposed to pray through this transition, hoping that the Lord will line my heart back up with this demand of me. I am sure it is more of me coming to Him and letting Him arrange and me resting while He arranges… I don’t know.

The first two weeks being home the ONLY WORD I HEARD WAS REST. But that is almost immpossible with this world buzzing around. I feel like I am in the wrong place but can’t go back to where I once knew, once was so adjusted and accustomed to. What a strange place to be. Onward and forward I hear in the back of my mind. Does onward and forward mean fastward? Because that is what I am feeling.

Digressing>>>>

The church offered me to work at the Donaldsonvile campus with the after school program about absitence. It would be 4 days a week, 9-5, 40 mminute drive to work (which might be nice) working with another awesome guy who is desperate need for the help. So here I am like, “whoa, I just got back, is this what You want for me? Is this going against the “rest” I have heard deep within my Spirit?” So I am praying. I am seeking. I have told so many people to pray that He makes it clear and well it’s been 2 days now and I do not feel led one way or the other. But I am not worried, I know He will indeed speak.

A large part of me wants to be apart of what the church is doing in general and another large chunk of me ONLY WANTS WHAT HE WANTS. Many are thinking, this door is wide open, WALK THROUGH IT, and I understand and respect that to the utmost. I also know that a wise man once told me, “Good is the enemy of Better and well Better is the Enemy of BEST”

And of course you know what this woman wants, I want the very very absolute BEST that He has for my life. And well if this is His Best for me now, then yes… it’s what I want, however if this is just an option that needs a filling then I don’t want to be it’s “filling“. I want the BEST. I know there are some thinking, awesome! Great, good girl, don’t settle. And there are many like, “THIS IS IT” and well I respect both answers and I thank you for being a part of my supporting however I just want Him to speak. I have found out that EVERYONE has an opinion and that really they are all grand but it all boils down to His opinion and well that is what I want on this for sure. So pray. Just say a prayer that He totally speaks. I already know He will.

Other than all this. I have been doing great. I have fallen in LOVE, I know it’s great. His name is Jesus. I know, some might know Him…. He is incredible! We love each other soooooooo much. We are really crazy about one another which works out being that it is mutual and all. That would just be weird if it was onesided. So anyway, I was in Corinthians the other morning and I was reading where Paul was like, “and if I am out of my mind it is because of Him and if I am in my mind it is for you people (the sane ones) that need to know Him yet still”

I was sooo comforted by reading this. I just knew Paul was speaking my language. I am just so crazy about Christ as my twin Ash would call it. I just don’t care. I think it’s to the point of legal crazyness. I love to talk about Him, to sneak Him into the conversation with the most randomness of people. It’s grand. If I can’t talk, I just SHINE… LIKE BRIGHTLY SHINING….. it makes me smile, it makes me filled up with an underscibable JOY… I saw some people that I once hung out with, let’s say BC (before Christ) days and I just smiled warmly and spoke the language of Love and I could see that they saw Him, I am sure they were like, “this Jesus Natalie is friends with has sure done something to her”. And He has, He has done more than I remmeber on an average day.

I am adjusting well on many fronts to being back home. It’s the people I am sure of. I have so many incredible friends that love me… Ps. 68:6 is the only explaination. So I am just in love with this time I am having. It’s a beautiful time and I need to Selah a bit more as one of my devotionals has instructed. SELAH… the word itself is just beautiful. It sounds peaceful hey? The devotional is one of my favorites and earlier this week when I was stressing out about not “doing” anything I read,

“Is there any note in all the music of the world as mighty as the grand pause? Is there any word in the Psalms more eloquent than the word “Selah” meaning pause? …. And is there anything that can touch our hearts like the power of stillness? Even in the fastest wheel that is turning, if you look at the center, where the axle is found, there is no movement at all. “

So that is where I am just trying to SELAH, connecting with my amazing people that I cherish and falling more in love with Him. Ummm. Life is GRAND, not good, not a step above good and in between grand… no… it’s plain GRAND>>>>>

So yeah, lately… the past day has been extremely wholesome and filled with what???? Come on and say it with me, GOODNESS!!! Yep, strangely and surprisingly GOOD. See if you forgot that you are worth a darn or have “purpose” in life the Lord will provide numerous people to sort that right out of you, if you ask or He might personalize a whole page in a devotional just for you… GLORY to Streams in the Desert Nov. 20th….

For about 2 days I didn’t want to be sorted. I wanted to just be. To lavish in Natalie and well honestly, wallow, a pity party with the attendance of ONE. I am just being honest, it is the only way I know to be… really though, it takes honesty to say, “I don’t have it all together” and well that is where I am or have been, not “all together” and not trying to be. I am acutely aware of my “lack of trust” and well that is alright at this point. For one it has allowed the “Body” to be the Body  and two it has strengthened me from the inside out, not the outward in… if you know what I mean. 

As of now I don’t have a “plan” and that my friends is the SINGLE-MOST HUMBLING THING I HAVE HAD TO WALK THROUGH… you know, there’s this song that has been on repeat in my car since last Thursday… it’s by Shawn Mullens and it’s call Lullaby. It has been the only thing that makes sense to me over the past week. Lyrics: “it seems as if everyone has got a plan….. don’t worry everything is going to be alright”… I have been there, just meditating on the “being alright” bit. It is absolutely ego smashing, pride abasing and other such needed tragedies to stare at someone and say, “I don’t know when, what OR where”… so humbling… 

BUT GOD!

“But God” is however the trump card. He is…. well He is everything… He holds this whole UNIVERSE in the palm of His mighty Hand and well if that doesn’t excite you then nothing else will. Either I am going to stand on WHO I know my Dad to be or I am not. That is quite sobering when spoken you know. Either He is all that He claims to be or He’s not and frankly I have expierenced His goodness, His provision, His awesomeness,  His outlandish ways in the thousands upon thousands of numerous ways and well He isn’t just going to stop being God. Basically we are either going to Trust Him or Not. I have been choosing Not the past several days, because I am human and all, and well I have to say it has been pretty fruitless. It is 1000s of times better to step out of the dark, walk through the open doors, meet the Body in it’s various forms and CHOOSE to  trust the God who made me.

Interesting, this life we have. The more I try to figure out Him the more my head hurts and heart… I am voting for less ache and more Him. That’s all I know. All I know is that He is… He has… and He will do…. that’s all I got today. 

Endless thanksgiving to every person who has put their hand against my back and held me up through this, who has reached into my dark place and yanked me out, or just listened, or wrote an encouraging word or sang an encouraging song (one girl sang her conversation randomly in the coffee shop the other day and YES it brightened my day). Wow, thank you all.

I wish I had a lovely picture to show my  face however it would not express the gratitude in my heart. And my camera is broken….. No web cam on Krissy’s computer either or I would be using it…. so close your eyes…. picture girl in a burnt orange shirt… smiling warmly…. eyes BIG with excitement and heart spilling out with HOPE, then you will have me…. 

So I have these GRAND ideas GOD! Do you wanna hear them? Jeremiah 29:11 has nothing on these…

Well, I am going to tell you anyway…. so I was thinking this and some of that and mostly a lot of the other…. yeah, nice, I know, I spent a lot of time coming up with that one. Really I have poured more into these plans than you have really “desired, asked or quickened me to probably”…BUT TRUST ME IT’S WORTH IT, they are GOOOD…. enough about you though, back TO ME…. 

So I have also thought a whole lot about “when” all this should progress. I know, your welcome… I really wanted to take that LOAD off of YOU. Really I think of everything so you don’t have to really do that whole God-thing for me…. I knowwwww….. how nice of me again… So I was hoping this all would fit into this nice little box that I have made especially for MY LIFE and then you could just do that whole stamp of approval thing and Voile!

We are done, or I am… or whatever, you get my point… My life is A OKAY and well on it’s way to becoming all that I have thought and imagined it needed to be. You follow, I know… I go quick… but really try to keep up, I have a lot on my agenda or should I say, “our agenda”…. 

So what do you think? 

Hello…. are you there? I just can’t stay quiet enough to hear you speak… you there?

What do you mean Proverbs 3:5…. is that some part you want to add to my plan… my neat little box?

What do you mean? I have to give it ALL to you? Are you sure> I mean I could just do a little tailoring… trimming fat here and there right? Not the whole darn bit! I mean, I spent so much energy and time on this… can we negotiate really?

“Lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight (clear, apparent)….”

This must mean what giving you my life looks like in action….

Help me release me into your Hand.I am hopelessly overconfident in my own plans, self… what have you…

“You can do nothing apart from me” _Jesus_ 

So I failed the vision test this morning… maybe it’s the sore throat… maybe lack of purpose…. so yeah I started mulling over the whole situation and it just sortof happened, I broke. WHERE THE HECK IS MY FAITH… it’s as if I lost it… taken it out of my heart and forgoteen where I put it down… 

I mean yesterday was such bittersweet beauty. And this morning I am here again… 

“Father I need you… I am at a loss without you… your strength, your Strong Tower, I need them all, I need YOU… it says you are the Life… come Dad and bring me Life! Bring me into your chambers and don’t let me escape. I am determined to pour my life out for You… please tell me how to pour… point me into the direction I need to walk…. set my feet steady on Your path of Life. Hold my hand as I walk, the way you know I like… with my arm intertwined with yours, your Hand clasping mine… to be One. When and if I go down, be SO NEAR TO ME…

I will lean on you harder now. I am secure with Who You are for me. You are the Creator God of the Universe, the One who went to the Cross, the one who sent me to Africa, the One who sustained me through the droughts, who led me into abundance, and who takes away. Help me to be content with You taking from me, the clay….”

There is a song playing right now and it along with my writing this has brought sense to the senseless. Listen….

“Eternity has a hold on my heart, Heaven is calling out my name, I am a stranger in this natural life…. THUNDER IN ME…. this voice that I lonnnnnng to hear, THUNDER IN ME…. this love that I long to feel…. THUNDER IN ME….. I am homesick for Heaven.

Take me away… take me away…. the King is drawing me into His chambers…. THUNDER IN ME”

Change my perspective today Dad, let me see through Eyes of Faith!

So the Lord is TOTALLY in to showing up. This is insane! I mean there could not be a more intimate Dad on this earth or should I say, in the sky….. I mean you just can’t believe. 

Let’s begin… start walking with me…. I love walks…. under the stars would be most enjoyed however today for relevanence sake we are walking out into the dawn and what a beauty she is…. all bright and booming with colors, smells and don’t forget GOODNESS!!!

So here we go…. walking…. one step at a time…. you know so you can really take in the goodness around you. Slow pace. Like one of an incredibly sweet elderly man…. that’s how my friend Zin walks in Swazi….. S…….LLLLLL…….OOOOOOOO…….WWWWWWW……..

I will begin with yesterday since that is when my world seem to not wake up with me. I happened to sleep in since I was up till the wee morning hours the night before… So when I woke, Krissy was buzzing around on the phone and I just realized, I ain’t in Swaziland no more…. like Kansas you know, NO MORE SWAZI. I wrapped myself in scarf and blanket and headed to the backyard. It was crisp and lovely. 

I soaked it in…. breathing deep and trying to rationalize the onslaught of events that has came my way… parties, people, smiling….. JOY from everyone…. Nat still on Swazi time, in Swazi style and still Swazi dreaming…. and life brezzing on past me. I digress. So at that point I think it all came crashing down. I realized that I again have no plan and as of that moment in the morning He wasn’t speaking anything once again. Thoughts of what I needed to do or haven’t done and so on and so forth came flooding in my mind. I tried to maintain them but you know how fast these sort of things can happen. 

Sitting on the concrete I resolved to push forward. I made it inside and read all the many notes from all my beloved Swazi people…. BAD IDEA….. tears came and my Krissy did as well. She reassured me of His love and goodness and provision. It is incredible what a bit of physical, tangible love can do for one’s soul. Bit by bit I was seeing the Light again. Help was on it’s way however… I called Jim and Barb… their words brought strength…. “the plan will come… you have done nothing wrong… He is working… you just keep seeking… we have been there”…. all these such things brought me back above the water. 

It is the strangest place to be in the ” unknown”. 

How does one get here for one? I mean one day you are like in the presence of the King and the next you feel as if He forgot where you live. It’s insane. Not living by feelings is obviously NOT a strong point for this one. But I am learning. Nonetheless, dinner with close friends, family per say and time in His loving arms is what remedied the day. So by the time I laid my body back in bed, it seemed to be a whole different person. 

I had confidence in His plan. 

Today was great. I went to the BRDC, the Baton Rouge Dream Center, and went to their service there. It was brilliant. He came and met me. Or as I love to say, He showed up and showed OFF! I mean in a real awesome way! 

I mean I was just worshipping and wishing I was in Swazi… I kept thinking I was going to hear my favorite song, Nydie, I kept seeing Ben doing the FLOW and encouraging us to press in…. I was there but I wasn’t for real. It was killing me. I wanted to cry. I did actually. I just yearned to be there. But I am here. I have to be here. I hate not being content but I am giving myself slack, it’s only been 5 days since being here, it feels like forever though. So about being here…

Melvin did our flow time and immediately I knew I was in the right place. He spoke about a movie, Sandlot, and he referred to the fact that the kids in the movie did everything in their power to get their ball back however it wasn’t till the end of the movie that one of the kids said, “why don’t we just knock on the door?”…. I was smoked…. I knew I hadn’t KNOCKED… I had whined, complained, spun my wheels, divided my situation up into the various sceniros that could pan out and on and on but NO KNOCKING. 

How do you know you haven’t knocked? Because if you do, He will most certainly ANSWER… it’s a biblical promise ladies and gentlemen. That means He WILL INDEED SHOW UP! So here I am spinning my wheels and such and the whole time He is like, “Nat, I got it…. I got it…. hey, can you hear me….. I GOT IT”….. 

A speaker I LOVE says it this way, “Your security can not be in what you see, but it has to be in WHO HE IS“ _Graham Cooke_

So again, I am just looking at this whole situation and having to say, “I TRUST YOU” not I trust because I see but I trust because of who I know you are to me…. my Dad, my Father… the one who knows about every sparrow that falls to the ground… yeah, that is the one I am referring to. And this is just the begining… you won’t believe that it gets better…..

So Craig goes on to start preaching and all and sure enough he went there… YEAH… THERE…. He went there…. He is like turn with me to John 6, we are going to meet a couple of people… are you with me? Still walking…. nice and slow now….

So mind you the Lord totally confirmed me going to Swaziland in 2007 by a lady in Swaziland telling me to turn to John 6. I KNOW…. ARE YOU WITH ME????? So yeah, Philip that is the  whole deal. My boy Philip. He seemed to be “tested” my Jesus. And the brilliant thing about it al is that He, the Lord, knew what He was going to do anyhow. So at this point I am laughing out loud, poor Tori and Krissy, I am sure they were quite confused but again, it was as if the Lord was sitting in front of me talking straight to me. Agh! How nice is He hey?

Yeah, unbelievibale… Craig kept saying things that watered my soul…. “you have to have eyes of Faith… He wants you to see with Eyes of Faith…. He wants us to pass the vision test… can we see Him? Is He the one that we are looking at? Is our gaze in His direction? Aghhhh…. who is feeling this…. I mean, I was smoked… laughing, in awe that He cares enough to tailor a whole message for me, little ol me. So moral of the story I am going to start being more confident in who He is to me and who I am in Him…. a woman with purpose, vision and gifts…. a woman with something to give, something to do for Him…. a woman that loves her Dad and is confident in who He is and what He can do… yep, that is Nat in a nutshell…. 

My loves-

How is everyone? I have been pretty shady on the whole blog thing… I am minus my MacBook so I have to use Krissy’s for all my Internet needs. So it’s been 4 glorious days since hitting US soil. 

What can I say? 

Life is grand… beauty ful…. so to say. I looked up “beauty” on my new handy dandy iPhone and it says this… “the qualities that give pleasure to the senses “… doesn’t that just fit perfectly? I mean there are no better words and frankly I am alright with that. I have gone through one one basic emotion… GRACE…. that is all I can say. 

There has been no breakdown, look like a crazy mad white woman fits at Walmart, no monumental moments of crisis at the Mall. I mean I don’t know how else to explain what is going on besides grace. I have “worry” which I am notorious for but that’s it and that’s even at it’s lowest point. I just feel like I was out of town for a week’s vacation and I am back home with my fam and friends. It is THE STRANGEST THING…

Last night I went to the Hub which is HPC’s college and twenty somethings. I was sitting in on their pre-service prayer meeting and in walks Laird. He blew in like the wind… he was like, “awesome, your back… you can do the offering for the Children’s Cup Christmas parties we are raising funds for”…. He was so excited, I was just laughing knowing that the Lord loves to just throw me out of my comfort zone and with only minutes to prepare is usually the best solution to have HIM show up and NOT NATALIE> 

So of course I agreed and of course the Lord came. It was remarkable. He just showed me exactly what He wanted to show the people. And so the offering totally took care of half of a Christmas party!!! YAY, who’s excited with me?????

So that was cool. Other cool stuff…. hmmmmm……

The amazing friends that love me unconditionally and support me with ALL their hearts, souls and minds… PRAISE HIM!!!! Ummm, I feel like God keeps telling me He loves me… yeah, I know He always loves me but this is different. I had to explain 143 the other day to my friends which is just real simple. My mom and dad had this thing. See 1 stands for “I” and 4 stands for the four letters in “love” and 3 of course is for “you”. Are you following? So 143 was their thing. All the time they would sign notes to each other with it and sign it across the room to each other and all that gushy lovey dovey cute-sy stuff.

So everywhere I look there it is…. 1:43 on the clock like 10 times now and at first I was like, awh…. You love me don’t you? But over the last four days it has been outlandish and then I am going to church last night and I am behind a car and the plate says…. 1143….. of course, I just laughed. So I think He is just up there on His throne winking at me saying something like… “just so you don’t forget, I LOVE YOU“…..

Which consequentially brings me great comfort since I have no idea “what” exactly I am supposed to be “doing”….. so many times we get our worth from our work and for me He is really trying to free me of that ridiculous way of thinking… 

So yes again I am seeing the fruit of prayers and  requests of my heart and my friends hearts for me that want me to know the incredible truth that HE IS CRAZY ABOUT ME! So that is some more goodness!

Sipping tea as i write. Who would have guessed. Don’t think that Swazi is far from my thoughts at all though, it is totally in the fore front of my mind. Mainly and above all it’s the people that I yearn to speak to again, the people at the church I desire to hug, the people I was gleaning from… Ben and Sooze…. yeah it’s all about the people. I am just missing my missions buddies… Sandra in the kitchen way too early in the AM…. Sarah and her beautiful smile… me and Jessie eating Honey Mustard together and calling each other darling… I think that actually made me shed a tear yesterday, oh how I love you ALL… All you wonderful, unforgetable people!

And talks, I had the best talks with my Zinty and Christy and Jacci. It’s really those incredible woman that made this woman anything worth a darn. They were like iron sharpening me as Proverbs says…. at one point maybe even sandpaper because they did indeed polish up my rough edges. If Swazi had a theme it would absolutely be relationships… I saw how incredibly vital they are, impossible to live without. I had this sense of community that I have never had up to that point. 

Really since losing mom and dad I had withdrawn from this cold place people called “the world”… I wanted nothing to do with it, I was completely confident that I did not need it in my life for any reason. And then God right? 

Then God put me at HPC and then in Elevate and then He gave me friends that could make anyone’s life a beauty… He gave me people that stood with me, besides me and poured out their lives for me. He gave me Elevate. A time in my life where light got shed and beauty did indeed peak it’s head around the corner of my life. And then He gave me Africa. He gave me community. He gave me regular people with heart’s for Jesus and passion to make a difference in this world and said, “GROW Nat“… and so looking back I see this all part of such a grander plan of helping me to be all that He has created me to be. 

It dawned on me the other day when I was reading Blue Like Jazz that the Lord is incredibly concerned with my relationship with Him. Like INCREDIBLY, UN-DESCRIBE ABLY, WITHOUT HESITATION CONCERNED ABOUT OUR CLOSENESS TO HIM… in fact life is less about what I am “doing” per say and more about me being completely who He YEARNS for me being. It’s as if He has this goal of making us insanely happy, all the while holy, and thus creating a specially tailored journey which ultimately leads us into His goodness and amazing BEAUTY. It’s as if He is solely concerned with completing a endeavour that He keeps a secret to us.

Do you follow?

I mean I was just reading about Don’t life and how the Lord brought him to this incredibly secular university to study at and thus fufilling Don’s intermost desires, developing him as a stronger Christian and all the while affecting the non-believers around him. I am reading this and it just dawned on me how incredibly concerned the Lord is with for one: bringing us into a larger awarness of Him and His infinte love for us and two: allowing Don to be all that he was created to be. 

It’s a lovely revelation if you ask me. I am still puzzled on how to stay grounded while making it into this fullness but I am assured that He knows, He already has it all worked out and really all I simply have to do is seek Him for the “next step” and LOVE HARD the whole way through. I don’t know… so Africa was this major, huge step that enabled me to see Him more, to know Him better, to be loved deeper, to SEE His love for me more fully and ultimately to open my eyes to the depth of community. 

This is just my thoughts on life and well of course I wanted to share them with you so hope you enjoyed… feedback is of course always welcome! You are loved incredibly…. ALL OF YOU!

Well it’s offically offical. I am out of the SD and in the SA…. it has not hit me yet…. I think mainly because I am still with my people… Sandra, Zin, Sarah, Jacci and Jessie came for the farewell so I am feeling really special.

Service is more than incredible… it was sacred, holy and amazing… I chose the set list for the worship which made the deepest parts of my heart smile and well it was powerful… Days of Elijah, Cannot HIde my Love, and 2 very special African specials. Who would have known worship couldd do so much for one’s heart. I was brillinatly surprised. It was a huge service for us, it was about SEX and well frankly as much as Swazi’s don’t talk about it, we TALKED all about it. Lots of prayer went into this series and well I feel the fruit was apparent. The people need healing. More than 50 % of Swazi’s have HIV, that’s one out of every two people you meet. How sobering.

Needless to say it’s totally NOT talked about here though. It’s the great big secret of Swazi’s… usually you hear that they died because they were sick…. not the ssssshhhh…. big 3 letter disease. Everyone knows but no one says and I guess that is why Swaziland continues to stay under oppression from this… without Light the darkness will prevail. But that doesn’t stop our valiant leader/Pastor Ben to speak Truth and show love to the people.

Hearts were definitely stirred if anything and well that is enough in itself. A lady from the congregation, Dudu (I am totally serious) …. really stop laughing…. okay, so she shared her story and there was barely any dry eyes in the place. Her overcoming was the conclusion but her struggle is against AIDS, abandoment and the resistance of our great Enemy. Power, truimph and victory are the banners over her heart now and through the tears she clearly displayed the Glory of the Lord.

It was beautiful. I realized how deep and wide HIs grace is, how sufficent His strength is and how inmeasureable this amazing man we call our Father truly is. I don’t know ladies and gentleman I have so much in this mind of mine…. life is truly a box of chocolates, a tapestry, a labyrinth of sorts…. I am finding that although the darkness comes, the hard times sneak their wicked little heads around our corners… nothing can be against us when we are with and IN Him… nothing…

So you won’t believe it. Saturday I was loved…. LOVED! I mean to the tenth power, hundredth and tenth power I should say! It was amazing. My dearest Sandra woke me up, not terribly early as she had planned more around 8. It was nice though. I crawled out of bed and she gave me the options for the day… leaving the gritty details to be soon found out.

I chose to eat out at the restuarant that just happened to be like 3 K’s down the steepest hill in Mbabane. No wait that might have been the one that I had the bike accident on. Well she wanted a walk and I wanted to hike. She wanted to test the restaurant for the Christmas party and I wanted to wrok up an appetite. So as you can guess, on this special day for Nat, Sandra decided two birds with one stone would be adventourous and worth the time with me. So we called Christy and all met at the corner of the street to begin.

Yep, it was a bit further than I remembered. It was a bright sun shining day, filled with humidity and causing us to break a sweat. All worth it to me. We made it to the restaurant @ 9:55, they taking a break before lunch at ten…. they served us anyway. I ate an omelet and chips, which are really fries… no tea…. juice. Sandra got some stir fry goodness which I am sure caused the 45 minute wait. It was great. Stomachs full and a hill that lasted for kilometers to climb. WHAT A SATURDAY!

The walk up consisted of stopping besides trees, which had shade, talks of the book Blue Like Jazz which Christy and I had a great discussion about and did I mention sweating yet? You get the point… needless to say I was one happy camper. Christy insisted we call KB for a ride but I wasn’t letting up and if Sandra was still climbing my legs weren’t stopping. On we went and tired we became.

I wanted to shoot Christy and Sandra as they came up the top so they posed for me…..

This is a celebration picture of the victory climb… we tried to get the sign in but what do you do?… It’s called Pine Valley just in case you were interested….

So what a morning… and into the afternoon we played. I was told to wear long pants, closed shoes and a shower before was optional. How about that> I guessed several places, being that there are only a handful in Swaziland and well Sandra assured me all were wrong. So I just poured myself a Coke Light, got into her truck and enjoyed a ride. We drove for like 45 minutes and then pulled into a multifunctional facility. I was perplexed. I know for sure it was not a game drive because I would totally have fallen asleep, yeah I am the only person in the world who could care less about African wildlife… shame on me…

Anyhow there was a wedding going on right beside where we were driving, I was happy, love a good party… Noooooooo, Sandra said. Well, what’s going on… then I saw it! I SAW BIG BEAUTIFUL…. brown, white and black HORSES!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone celebrate with me! Yes, these people LOVE ME!!!!!!!!

See I tried to convince my friends back home that horseback riding would be a great last thing to do before I was Africa bound… it didn’t pan out, I think Kari might have had something to do with that… nonetheless, I was SOOOOOO PUMMPPPPPED!!!!! Like a kid at Christmas or in a candy store… I was ear to ear smiles. I couldn’t help myself, I was taken back to summer camp when I was a child. What a feeling! To be riding through the open valleys of Africa on horseback and at 100 Rand, that’s 10 US dollars, what more could you ask for. I had a bit of heaven this day. A real blessing. It is incredible to be loved this way… having the deepest, most lovely desires of your heart met. WOW! Me on blessed woman!

Yep, hills and trotting and Christy making the most girlish of noises I have heard, a slash between a mouse and a small sneeze. I have not had so much fun! If you understand this girl you know nothing beats nature, friends and sweating… haha, really though sweating is great for you. Like my friend Zin says, “I love getting all hot and nasty”… this is totally a sound bite and out of it’s context but it serves it’s purpose. Oh, might I mention that my horses name was Mystery, I truly know Mystery and I were suppose to ride together. We had the best time with the mild case of “oh holy goodness” she gave me while trotting down, I KID YOU NOT, a 80 degree angle hill. Yes, it was a day indeed!